Goodbye
by Peanutbutter1
Summary: Relena has made a descision that will change the rest of her life. Sorry it took so long but here is the epilouge.
1. Default Chapter

"Good bye…" ****

Disclaimer: I know, I know…. I don't own Gundam Wing. I'm not making any money off of this either. *crosses arms and pouts* 

"Good bye…"

Relena curled her legs underneath her body and looked out of the garage. A thin sheet of rain fell in front of her eyes and splattered loudly across the carport driveway. Small puddles formed in the deep imperfections of the driveway and ran down the slight incline away from where she sat. She watched the darkened sky were clouds rolled and tumbled in rage. They tumbled and fought like her emotions. She knew what she had to do, but she didn't want to do it. 

A peal of thunder reached her ears and she pulled her knees closer to her chest in an attempt to ward of the chills that were coursing through her weary body. The wind out side blew harshly and small droplets of rain pelted her face and arms making her take in a sharp gasp. Lifting her head Relena looked into the night as a flash of lightening lit the outside and made the brief silhouette of her car visible in the darkness. 

She knew as she sat there watching the rain pour buckets that nothing would ever be right again. The world was shifting violently under her and just like the fateful day four years ago she could do nothing to stop it. Her fantasy was over and she'd never be the same again. She and fought it for weeks telling herself she was imagining things, but it was there like a cancer that slowly spread until it had everything in it's clutches. He had changed and he didn't love her anymore. Just as her thoughts were escalating and her tears were beginning to form bright lights blinded her. Pulling herself roughly to her feet she saw the car attempting to pull it's way into the driveway. She was glad it had come just then she didn't want to cry. 

Clumsily Relena pulled herself to her feet wincing as the cold cement burned her bare feet. Absently she rubbed her arms as chill bumps rose along with the hairs on her arms. She wasn't entirely sure it was just from the cold. What she was about to do ripped at her soul. Brushing a stray strand of dirty blond hair out of her eyes she watched as the door opened flooding the darkened garage with an eerie light. He stepped out of the car his suit impeccably perfect down to the creases in his slacks. His hair was tamed and combed over to one side in an attempt to put his hair to rest, but the long day had taken it's toll and a few hair had begun to stick up. He was watching her as he exited the vehicle his eyes the same icy blue she remembered from when she first met him. He always looked at her the same way. 

Another chill ran through her body and she shivered involuntarily. Silently she wished for a pair of socks and perhaps a jacket, but it was too late. She was here to say what she had to jacket or not. He was still giving her the cold glare as he shut the door and plunged them both into semi darkness. The only thing that could be heard was the rain falling on the roof and Heero's footsteps as his hard military shoes came toward her. She waited as one would wait for their execution for him to reach her. It was painfully slow and when he finally got her she almost backed out. 

"What are you doing out here Relena, it's cold." He told her and grabbed hold of her arm and turned around in an attempt to pull her toward the house. She didn't move though and he turned to face her again a little confused at her reluctant behavior. "Let's go inside." Her cold and sorrowful expression stopped him and he let his hand fall from her arm. 

"I'm not going in Heero." She told him knowing that she wanted to say more, was supposed to say more, but the knot in her throat refused to let her. He lifted an eyebrow as if to ask a question. Relena reached out and touched his forehead and ran her finger over his brow. She would miss those looks. Heero reached his hand up to hers and stroked her skin from a moment. His eyes closing in the bliss of her touch. Relena watched him with a growing sadness and almost decided to forget the whole thing when a peal of thunder shook her thoughts and lit the garage. "No." She whispered half cried and pulled her hand away. The abrupt movement caught Heero off balance and he gave her a questioning look. 

"What's wrong?" He asked not daring to reach for her when she looked so sad, afraid that her sorrow would some how seep into him and crush his soul with it's anguish. 

The question was simple, but Relena could think of so many things that were wrong that the question almost brought all her defenses down around her. "Us." She told him simply unable to find the words she had practiced for hours while sitting on the carport waiting for him to arrive. She had forgotten his eyes. She had forgotten what he did to her when she looked into them. 

"What do you mean us?" He asked shoving one of his hands in his pocket and the other hung at his side. He looked as if he was lost; he didn't know what to do. 

"I mean…" Relena started but her voice was dying in her throat. She hadn't imagined it would be this hard. "I mean we aren't working any more Heero." She paused and waited for her words to sink in. She watched his face for any emotion that might spring up, but his face was devoid of anything. Sighing she pulled her arms tighter around herself and pushed her sorrow away. "We've grown apart." She paused again. "You go out all night long, we're never together anymore. We can't have a conversation. We've grown apart." Relena didn't realize his silence could hurt so much. He wasn't denying anything. She wanted to break down in sobs right in front of him, but she knew that would only cause him to come to her. It would be a false feeling. He would pity her. 

"I don't understand…" He let the words stumble clumsily out of his mouth and he looked at his shoes. He couldn't look at her right now. 

"You do Heero. All we do is fight; all we see of each other is breakfast. We've grown apart. Being together has become a habit." Relena realized how bitter the last statement sounded. It had become that bad though. Their life was routine, and their time together was forced. There was a barrier that neither of them could breech and she was merely admitting defeat. He was silent this time and Relena took that as her queue to leave. She shifted her weight and tried to force herself to move, but it too hard her heart wanted to stay when her mind told her that it was over. "Good bye." She managed and took a step toward the outside where the storm still raged. He didn't move to stop her. He didn't cry out for her to stop. Even though Relena had known that it was over it hurt that he didn't go after her. 

Relena turned her head to look at him one last time as she proceeded to step into the chilling rain. He was still standing there his head hung his hands stuffed in his pockets. She turned from him and stepped into the rain. The first drop was like an icicle chilling her body to the core. The next was worse. Her bare feet stung as she felt them splash in the small puddles she had been starring at her earlier. Absently she felt the tears making unmarked baths down her face as the rain soaked her thoroughly. Another flash of lightening lit the darkened sky and she felt something grip her arm. The hold was like iron and she knew that it could only be him. 

Immediately she froze. She hadn't expected for him to come after her. His grip was like a vice as he squeezed her upper arm between his strong fingers. Blinking Relena turned to look at him he was mostly in shadow, but a peal of thunder followed by a brief flash of lightening made him visible in the night and she stopped emotions catching. He wasn't pulling her toward him he was merely holding her arm. She didn't understand. If he wanted her to stay why didn't he pull her toward him? They locked gazes for a moment. 

Relena's heart ached, as she looked at his hair no longer perfect but disheveled from the heavy winds and violent rain. His suit was soaked all the way through and his eyes were intense. They screamed at her something she couldn't understand. She knew he wasn't asking her to come back. It was something else he was pleading and she couldn't find it. Eventually his hand slipped from her and he let it drop to his side again. His eyes never left her though and Relena opened her car door and scrambled inside. Once shielded from the rain and his intense stares she let a sob escape her throat. She wanted to collapse on her steering wheel and cry, but she couldn't, with him standing only a few feet from her. Putting her keys into the ignition she heard the car roar to life and flipped on her headlights. 

Looking up she saw his form standing to the side of her car watching her leave. Relena turned her head violently from him and stepped on the gas. Soon she would be away from him soon things would be okay. As she left his soaked form grief over came her and sobs fell from her throat as her teeth chattered from the cold. It hurt so much. Her heart was twisting in her chest leaving her whole body in pain. She cried, but nothing was enough the grief was too much and she had no way to release it. Pulling onto the side of the road she collapsed onto her steering wheel and cried. All she could think was 'What have I done?' 

Heero watched her leave. He watched her car disappear down the street until not even her headlight could be seen, but he didn't move. He couldn't move. The rain was causing chills to run through his body, but he couldn't bring himself to go inside where he knew he'd be warm. He didn't know what stopped him. It was simple. Pick up your feet, but he couldn't. 

****

So… What do you guys think? More, less, try again later. This is my first post so be nice. Tell me what you think, okay. 


	2. Emotions

Disclaimer: I know you're all going to be shocked, but… I…I don't own Gundam Wing ****

Disclaimer: I know you're all going to be shocked, but… I…I don't own Gundam Wing. I know it was shock when I found out too. 

_I'm not sure, but Heero might seem a little OOC in this part. 

****

Chapter 2 Emotions

The ringing was deep and drilled through Heero's dream induced illusions and threatened to pull him into reality. For some reason he didn't want to wake up, it wasn't because his eyelids were heavy. He'd gone for days without sleep. It was something else, something that in the back of his mind just out of his reach. All he knew was that sleep was his best option the only one that offered anything sort of peace. Heero rolled over and pulled his covers over his disheveled brown hair and tried to make the ringing stop. His other arm stretched out searching in earnest for something. His fingers finally came in contact with a pillow. It was cold. 

It all came rushing at him then. He remembered what his body didn't want him to. The pain and ache washed over him like ice cold water on a frigid winter's day. Opening his eyes he looked at the empty spot where Relena was supposed to be. It seemed to be surrounded by an untouchable air as he looked at it, longing for her to be sleeping there. He could almost see her there, her long blond locks lying across her pillow and her face relaxed and peaceful. The ache grew as he thought of her. 

Ignoring the untouchable air that surrounded her spot he reached for the pillow and rolled onto his back bringing it with him. It quickly warmed under his touch. Looking at it skeptically he tossed it into the air and let it fall on his face. Her scent was all over it. Breathing deeply he sucked it into his lungs wishing that it would linger in his mind forever, but he knew it would fade. It would never last forever. Nothing lasted forever. How things really been so horrible. He could remember each time he'd gone out he could remember each fight. His own stubborn pride had made him retaliate. 

As the thought of the times he'd hurt her the pain flared into a nauseating ache that started in the pit of his stomach and radiated throughout his body. Heero let the pillow slip to his chest and pulled it too himself subconsciously. He had no way to deal with this kind of pain. It wasn't physical. He couldn't trace its origin. He had no idea were it came from. It was all over. The ringing reached him again and he leaned over to glance at his clock. He needed to get up. 'You'll be late for work if you don't he told himself logically, but like the night before he couldn't move. He felt paralyzed.

* * * ** ** * * * ** *

Red was all Heero could see. It was a blinding insulting color that blocked his vision. He wanted to turn from it but he could, wouldn't. He watched the read until it disappeared leaving a faint dot in the darkened night. Still then he watched almost as if he didn't think that it was really disappearing. Nevertheless it disappeared and Heero was left staring at nothing as a deep rain soaked his body. Over head the storm rumbled and raged with the same unorganized combination of anger and sorrow twisted inside Heero Yuy. 

Ripping his eyes violently from the darkened street he looked at his shoes, as if somehow they held the answers that eluded him. He clenched his fists and his eyes shut as he tried to understand what had just happened. He felt the rain splashing in the center of his head and running down his back but he couldn't bring himself to escape the chilling rain. Opening his eyes he watched the raindrops hit the hard end of his black military dress shoe and spring into the air creating a mini shower around it. For some reason it seemed more inviting then mulling over his confused emotions. 

"Emotions." He scoffed and stomped his foot sending a shower of water up to soak his pant leg. They were things he obviously didn't understand. Relena, his Relena had told him she would love him forever, that they were forever, but she'd left. He should be furious; he should be pissed that she had broken that sacred promise. That when she had said she loved him she had lied, or was it he who had lied. He didn't know, he didn't know anything anymore. He could only stand there as the rain's chill seeped into his skin and he shivered. 

He knew he should go inside were it was warm. He even wanted to go, but his legs refused to move. It was like the connection between his brain and his muscles had been severed. What was he waiting for? Was he thinking she would come back? She had made it clear hadn't she, but he could still remember her touch. The way her finger's had brushed so lovingly across his forehead. It had been a long time since they'd touched each other like that. Before he knew it his hand was on his head were her fingers had last been. In disgust he jerked his hand away and looked again at his immobile legs. 

Lightening flashed another time bringing his into the light for a brief moment before everything faded into darkness again. A deep rolling thunder followed the light and Heero suddenly was able to move. His foot moved and for a moment he was surprised. It was like the miracles of Duo's God. He was actually moving. 

Feeling as if he had never walked before he side passed the closer garage and made his way to his front door. Rain pelted him mercilessly as he neared the large wooden door. When he reached it something seized him. It squeezed at chest and made his breath catch in his throat. He kept walking though and as he neared it became worse. Reaching his hand out, he wrapped it around the cold brass doorknob and pushed the door open. Slowly he stepped into the darkened…empty house. Heero the door slam behind him. Only the sound of water dripping on hardwood floors greeted him. Over head the muffled sound of air plinked the roof. 

Something was wrong. As he walked away from the door leaving his shoes beside it he felt it. It was like the whole house was mourning her departure. It was strange and eerie and Heero tried to dismiss it but the feeling wouldn't leave. Silently he made his way up the stairs. He wanted to go to bed. Outside thunder rumbled and shook the house with its quake. Heero's feet felt icy against the white plush carpet and absently hoped they would warm. Before he knew it he was outside their bedroom. He opened the door and flipped on the lights. 

The brightness assaulted him and he had to squint for a moment to let his eyes adjust. When he finally did open them the first thing he saw was a picture. It was on the wall across from the door. Purposefully he crossed the room and picked it off the wall. As he looked at the picture incased in the simply cherry wood frame his brow creased in anger and his grip tightened. 

Relena had given him the picture. She was leaning on him smiling and he was smirking, more or less. That wasn't what made him angry though. It was the words scrawled on the bottom with a black felt tipped marker. 'I'll love you always. Relena.' The script was fancy and had little heart around the word love. It was cutesy, it was Relena, and it pissed him off. Pulling his hand back he released a mighty roar and hurled the picture at the wall. The cheery wood frame split with the impact and the glass shattered spraying its fragments across the room. 

Heero watched as the broken glass his breathing heavy. It had felt good to throw that, but the ache was still there; in fact it had intensified. Turning angrily from the broken picture Heero stripped off his soaked uniform and climbed into the bed. As he sunk into the warm covers he glanced beside him. The empty spot almost brought his world crumbling around him. Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat he turned over and clenched his eyes shut. He fought the urge to look again and again until he finally drifted off to sleep. 

* * * * * * * * * 

Heero looked at his clock it flashed happily 7:30. He was due at the Preventer's base by 8:00. Pushing his weary sleep starved body out of bed he stumbled toward the bathroom. He had just enough time to take a quick shower before he got dressed. On his way to the bathroom he passed the shattered picture. He only looked at it briefly thinking he should pick it up, but something else told him to leave it. Stepping into the brightened bathroom he shed the rest of his clothes and turned on the shower. 

He stood under those healing drops of water until the water ran cold and he reached down to turn off the faucet. When he exited the bathroom the clock read 8:15. He was already late for work, and for once he didn't care that he was failing in his duty.

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Okay that was Chapter two. I posted it as soon as I finished writing it. Tell me what you think. 

Note: Sorry it's so short. I'll try to make the next one longer. 


	3. Memories

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing ****

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing

_Note: Believe it or not this is beginning to wrap up. I think there will be about three maybe four more chapters. So if you can bear with me I think it will be worth reading to the end. (* * * * signifies a flash back)

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Chapter 3 Memories

Relena starred her eyes glazing a bit as the words went in one ear and out the other. She hardly even remembered where the voices where coming from. The drone had been going on for well over an hour and she didn't seem able to focus. Usually she was able to sit up and listen no matter what was going on but now she couldn't and she was ashamed to admit why. 

"What do you think Ms. Peacecraft?" 

Relena jerked her eyes from their fixed position on the wall and turned to the man who had spoken. She had completely forgotten his name. He starred at her as if she had three heads, his beady black eyes narrowing on her face. Shifting uncomfortably she narrowed her eyes right back at him. For the moment she didn't care that she was digging her own grave, so to speak, in the political world. She had worked her whole life to escape the immature air people had place on her, but right now all she wanted to do was run from the room. Her nerves were shaken and shot to hell. She hadn't gotten any sleep and she didn't want to battle over politics at the moment. She wondered why she had even bothered coming to work. Relena dropped her gaze from the overbearing politician and got to her feet. 

"I'm sorry gentlemen, but I going to have to excuse myself." Relena scanned the room for only a moment and walked calmly toward the door. She maintained her air of control until she was out of the office. As soon as the large wooden door shut behind her she sagged. Her shoulders dropped from their erect position and her face fell from the charming professional look to portray a look that matched her feelings, utter defeat. Running her had over her tightly pulled blond hair; she walked away from the office. She had to get away, she needed to get away and talk to someone. 

The feelings where too intense and her body had been seeking something since she'd left Heero the night before. She had expected the pained ache to leave when she left him behind, but it still persisted. Was she to be forever haunted by him? It hurt when he was their it hurt when he was away. She didn't understand this was supposed to be the right decision. This was supposed to make everything better. It hadn't though; perhaps it had even made it worse. 

She wasn't to far down the hallway when she heard footsteps behind her. They were quick and precise. Immediately she knew who it was. Her first thought was to run and her second was to give up. Before she could do either he grabbed her and spun her around. 

"What you just did back there was irresponsible and childish. Are you trying to ruin your career? This was your idea! Your meeting, you can't just walk out on it." Milliardo squeezed her arm tighter and stifled the urge to shake his younger sister. 

"Let go of me." Relena spat ignoring her emotions for a moment and focusing on something that could put the thoughts out of her mind, her anger. And after last night she was well over due for an outburst. His fingers didn't loosen and Relena wrenched her arm from his grasp. "I don't care right now." She told him and tried to turn back around and leave, but he cut in front of her and pulled her face up to look at him.

"You have no choice, but to care. You made this decision; you wanted to be vice foreign minister now do your duty. Do you job." 

The way he spoke was condescending and she ignored him. Pushing her shoulder against his stomach she shoved past and made her way to the elevator. She was leaving and nothing he said could stop her. Right now nothing really mattered. 

"You came to my house last night soaked and upset and I didn't ask what was the matter." He paused for a moment and sighed. His voice had softened considerably and Relena stopped to listen but didn't turn around. "I know it has something to do with Heero…just tell me so I can help you." 

Relena felt as if all the air had been sucked from her body. Just the mention of his name brought her defenses down. She swallowed the lump in her dry throat and tried not to appear shaken, but she knew she had fallen. 

"I don't want you hurt Relena. Tell me or Noin, someone…" He stopped and sighed one more time as if he were going to say more but decided not to. "Take the day off Relena." Without another word she heard his shoes swivel on the hard carpeted floor and disappear down the hallway. 

Relena didn't turn to catch a glimpse of him, but continued to walk. She was right back were she had started the night before, lost and confused. All she could hear the whole way to the elevator were her shoes making muffled clanks on the carpeted cement floor. Even that was distant though it was like a faint echo in her brain. The walk seemed to take forever and when she finally reached the elevator and pushed one of the glowing plastic buttons she felt as if she'd traveled miles. A small ding reached her ears and lifting her sullen eyes she stepped onto the elevator. In a daze she pressed the button for the ground floor. In that silent empty chamber memories washed over her in broken scattered thoughts. 

* * * * * * * * * 

Relena giggled when she saw the confused expression on Heero Yuy's face. He was looking determinedly at a two twisted pieces of metal. It almost astounded her that this dumbfounded him so greatly. He was, after all, the perfect solider and greatest strategist there ever was, and he couldn't figure out something so simple. Suppressing another giggle she watched him pick it up carefully between his fingers and grasp the ends of the small pieces of silver steel. Giving them each a jiggle he twist the first and then the second. For a moment he paused as if in deep thought and then he dropped the pieces again anger stealing away on his hardened features. This was too much Relena couldn't hold it any longer. She laughed. The action only made him scowl more and Relena quickly covered her mouth and attempted to stop. She was successful after a moment and decided she was calm enough to speak. 

"Do you want me to show you again Heero?" She asked grinning madly. Without waiting for a comment she reached out and picked up the pieces of twisted metal. Making sure to over dramatize for him she held the pieces in front of his face and pulled on either end showing they were stuck together. 

"Just do it, Relena." He said in slight annoyance. 

Relena smiled broadly and make a slow twisting movement with her fingers. As if by magic the two pieces came apart. "It's easy." She told him. "As soon as you get the hang of it that is." She smiled again as Heero pulled the pieces from her hands. He still looked mad. Relena watched him look at the toy critically and then tossed it haphazardly over his shoulder and into the grass. 

"Hey!" Relena protested. "Why did you do that?" She wasn't really angry though she just thought it was humorous. She couldn't really be mad at him. Before she could go after it Heero gently grabbed a hold of her wrist and pulled her to him. Relena couldn't suppress her happy smile as his lips descended on her in a brief chaste kiss. Sometimes he took her breath away. 

"Let's go do something else." He offered coyly and kissed the side of her mouth teasingly. 

Relena pulled back a few inches and smiled her eyes sparkling in mischief. "You're just mad because you can't do something I can." She told him sweetly. "And nothing you do will make me forget." With that she skipped out of his reach and went in search of the toy. 

"Well see about that." He called at her and sprinted after her. 

* * * * * * * * * * *

The abrupt jarring of her momentum brought Relena back to the present. A ding sounded and she stepped onto the ground floor. Sometimes Heero was so sweet bringing her stuff, playing, he was so unlike the monotone man she'd fallen in love with at first that it astounded her, and pleased her to no end. But more recently it was something else. Heero was…he'd regressed….? Relena wondered if that was the right word and decided it was. When he had pulled closer to her in times of pain and uncertainty it now seemed that he pulled from her. He ignored her attempts to talk to him. He brushed off her confessions of love; he even went as far as to ignore her. Then worst of all had been the fights. She knew that all of that wasn't his fault. She was just as stubborn as he was. The fights were the worst though. 

* * * * * * * * * * *

Relena sat ringing her fingers nervously and starring at the clock. It was the second night in a row that he'd done this. He was missing, again. He never called, never told her were he was at. Had he gone on some secret mission? Were her last words to him going to be 'See you later.' She thought miserably and leaned her anguished face into her hands. Why hadn't she said anything more meaningful? Why had see not told him that she loved him this morning? The thoughts raced through her mind in a wild rampage of fear and disbelief. What if he never came home? That thought alone was enough to make a tear stream down her pale face. Would she be able to take it if he was gone? 

Honestly she didn't know. Sure she had almost lost him numerous times during the wars, and even then she had known that she loved him, but now she not only loved him she knew him. She knew the small things that annoyed him. She knew what kind of toothpaste he used. She knew about his annoying habits and knew that she would miss every one of them. She was passed in love. 

'Is there even such a place.' She thought to herself and looked at the clock again, 3:00 a.m. As she gazed at the flashing digital lights she tried to find a words to describe what she felt for Heero Yuy, but there their wasn't a word in the world to describe how deep and passionate her feelings for him ran. Another sob escaped her throat and distantly she heard footsteps. 'Could it be him?' She wondered and lifted her head up and wiped her eyes. She wouldn't let him see her crying. 

The footsteps came closer and Relena straightened her position in her chair and waited for him to open it. There was a slight pause as he stood outside the door, doing something, but then the light wooden door swung inward quietly and there stood Heero. He was still in his uniform even though his tie was loosened and his hair a little crazier than usual. She appeared as if he were trying to keep quite. Was he worrying about her, or just about being caught? 

"Where have you been." Relena asked spoke the man as far as to make him jump a little. Her voice sounded shriller than she had intended, but it was too late to take it back now. 

He looked at her for a moment and then his eyes narrowed. "Why?" 

'Why Relena thought, why?' She wanted to scream at him and tell him she was worried, but instead something else escaped her mouth. 

"I have a right to know Heero." Her voice had risen another octave and she was almost screaming at him. He still stood there though his face blank and maybe a little annoyed. He didn't have the right to be mad though. She was the one that had been waiting and worrying about him all night. 

"Hn." was the only response Relena received from him. With that said he turned to the bed and sat down without another word he began to untie his shoes. 

"I deserve an answer." Relena spat at him. Knowing she was making matter worse, but she wanted to know, needed to know that nothing was wrong with him. 

He merely looked up and raised his eyebrows. "I don't have to tell you anything." He mouthed sounding much like an eight-year-old child. The words infuriated Relena. 

"I sit here worrying about you and all you can say is you won't tell me anything! I've sat up two nights in a row waiting for you! Last week you were gone four nights out of the week! Tell me were you're going." Relena was exasperated more so with his inattentiveness than anything. 

"No, one asked you to wait up Relena." He told her firmly and got off the bed and headed toward the bathroom. 

Relena immediately blocked his way. "How can you say that?" She asked and looked into his eyes searching for something, but there was nothing. Then it hit her. He didn't care that she had been waiting up for him. He didn't care that she felt hurt every time he went out and didn't tell her were he was. 

"I don't want to start with you Relena. Just get the hell out of my way." With thought he brushed her firmly out of his path. The movement only made her stumble, but it was enough. 

"It's too late now." Relena yelled after him hiding her hurt with anger. "You started this when you decided to leave me out of your life. I'm leaving you alone until you tell me." 

"Look Relena." Heero turned around to look at her, but this time his face showed anything but nothing. Heero was mad. The face was frightening and Relena backed a little from her position and widened her eyes in fear. "You don't need this from you. Just stay out of it okay. It's none of your business." With that he went into the bathroom and slammed the door. 

Relena watched the door until she heard the shower coming on. When she knew he wouldn't hear her she sank to her knees and cried. How was it that even though he hadn't raised his voice and had only said a few phrases it could hurt so much? It wasn't how he said it though. It was what he had said. Each sentence a cutting insult tearing her down inside and filling her with doubt. It was the first time she'd seen the unloving look in his eyes, or maybe it was the first time she noticed it. 

* * * * * * * *

Relena turned the keys in her ignition and swallowed. That had been the first of a whole series of ugly disputes. Each one had left her feeling more and more doubt and as the weeks went by they pulled from one another. Heero no longer pulled her close to him when he slept. There was no 'I love you' s' whispered before bed. In fact there was nothing. Each day it was worse. Sometimes they'd start playing around and somehow it would end up a fight. Some how they'd grown apart. The fight see remember wasn't the worst, but it was the one that made her realize she had to leave. 

In spite of all her reasons, despite all her heartache, she missed him. She didn't know how it was possible to hate him and love him so completely that her body felt severed without him. It didn't make sense. If had been meant to be together why had things been so bad? Where had they begun to go wrong?

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Thank you for all the great reviews. It really makes me feel better about sharing the stuff I write, so keep reviewing. 


	4. Why won't life go back to normal?

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing ****

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.

-Note. Okay in this part * * * * * don't signify a flash back but a change in POV. I hope you can follow it. 

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Chapter 4 'Why won't life go back to normal?'

Heero grumbled and pulled another stack of files onto his desk. Why was it that when he was distracted he had the most to do? It seemed that in the last two days everyone had been on his case. Normally he didn't care, it was just all in the line of duty, so to speak, but now he seemed overly sensitive about everything. As in everything pissed him off. When he wasn't at home he was pissed. When he was at home he was depressed. Work had always been semi enjoyable for him. He didn't mind the paper work or the typing, until now. 

Just yesterday he had been informed that Lady Une, a very pissed off superior, hadn't received his annual report. Not only that but, the back up disk had been corrupted and now he had to type it over again. The paper that had taken him twelve pain staking months to type was gone in missing in the blink of an eye. He had been very proud of that particular report. He was correct on everything down to the smallest most insignificant detail. How was he supposed to remember every detail from every mission he'd had since last June? In was ridiculous and more importantly he didn't really care at the moment. 

How was he supposed to focus when there was something poking, prodding and distracting him every minute of the day? Starring at his blank lap top screen for a moment longer he slammed the lid shut and turned to look out his window. He had a large office on the top floor with a huge bay window. When he looked out of it he could see everything. The whole city was laid out before him like a perfect miniature model. He had been starring out this window a lot lately.

Heero put his hand on his chin and watched a woman in a nearby neighborhood walk her dog. Immediately he thought of Relena. Funny how everything reminded him of her. He had seen her only briefly over the past couple of days. Always she would take off in haste before he could reach her. At first he had wanted to talk, but it was apparent that she was avoiding him. Their jobs required that their paths cross often, but she was never at the meetings when he was. In fact she always sent Noin or Milliardo. 

Noin would sit back in her chair and give him steady controlled looks even though he wasn't even in the main topic of conversation. She wasn't quite glaring, but she almost was. Milliardo on the other hand glared at him openly. He was never friendlier than he had to be. It didn't seem too fair that he was being treated so badly when she had been the one to leave him. 

"Mr. Yuy?" 

Heero swiveled his chair around and glanced at his intercom. The little red button on top of his phone was blinking. Silently he pushed the button hoping it wasn't Une demanding the rest of his report. "Who is it Silvi." He asked his secretary and waited for an answer. 

"Ms. Une wants to see you." 

Heero sighed and turned to his laptop the page was still blank. "Let her in Silvi." He told her in monotone and flipped up the lip of his computer and pretended to be typing. When in fact he didn't even know what to write about. Heero didn't look up when his door was opened he pretended to be lost in thought. He might as well appear busy. 

"How long is this going to go on?"

Heero looked up at Lady Une. She was standing a file in one hand and her other on her hip. She was wearing a smart business suit that accentuated her features and brought out her eyes. "What?" Heero asked and stopped his fake work effort for the moment. 

"I'm sick of having a half effort from you Heero." She told him bluntly. "I received your report on the Phillips base yesterday." She paused and brought the file from under her arm. Flipping through it briefly she stopped on a particular page and raised an eyebrow. "I must say the best part of this was when you described the weapons room and I quote. 'Large rounded metal object most likely missiles of some kind are all over the bottom floor. I must say that it is a weak spread if I were them I'd chosen weapons with a bit more power to them. I can't believe they actually call themselves a terrorist group. If I had been in charge they'd had this over and done with yesterday.' End quote." Lady Une flipped over two more pages and began again. 'Detailed description of upper level of the military base: Big, with cement floors and lots of chairs.'" Lady Une closed the file and frowned. "Do you know what the upper level of the base contained. What you so conveniently chose to leave out, two tons of C4. All of which we would have blown with the rest of the building had someone not gone in after you. Do you know what your half assed comment about running the terrorist group caused?" She asked half-yelled. "The head of the department is having you put under investigation! That makes me look bad." Lady Une was seething now and pacing the room. "I told him you were just an anal idiot, but he wouldn't hear anything else from me." Lady Une stopped pacing and walked right in front of Heero's desk and stopped. "You are now suspended pending further investigation." 

Heero could barely let it sink in. If he wasn't a work he had to be at his house. He didn't want to be there. Even if work was annoying he didn't want to be at home. Every where he turned he say her. She was in the walls whispering, haunting. "No." he called his voice sounding too weak in his own ears, but he couldn't go home. He didn't want to be there. 

Lady Une rose and frowned at him. "I'm sorry Yuy, but you brought this on yourself." She paused just before leaving and turned around again. "As a friend Heero I think you need this vacation." She paused and smiled. "I think it will do you some good to get away from work." 

Heero watched her leave in a shocked stupor. Five minutes ago he had been complaining about work and when they'd told him to go home he hadn't wanted to. It was ridiculous why was everything so confused. Groaning in frustration he picked up the file Lady Une had left on his desk and hurled it across the room. Papers flew into the air covering the office in a blizzard of black type papers. He watched until each one fluttered to the floor in settled. He was broken. He didn't know what to do any more. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear his door open. The lump was back. With nothing to work on, or worry about besides her the pain returned. 

"Is this some sort of new filing system?" 

Heero glanced up at none other than Duo Maxwell. Last time he'd heard Duo was on L2 running a successful swapper business. When had he come back in town? "What are you doing here Maxwell?" He asked. 

* * * * * * * * *

Relena frowned as the house came into view. The large bay windows covering one side of the wood and brick house were all too familiar. As she crested the hill leading to the driveway the stairs leading to the front porch came into view and Relena swallowed remembering the last time she'd seen this house. It seemed like years ago. 

Her car pulled into the driveway and she shut off the ignition. It was getting hard to breathe. Everything was so vivid, so real. She remembered the rain. She remembered their last and final goodbye. Opening the door she almost tripped on the first step and barely saved herself from falling flat on her face. Closing the door with a mighty shove she turned toward the house. It was haunting. Every part of it reminded her of their life together. 

This was their house, and every time she saw it she would think of Heero. She knew that he wasn't home, but still the fear of being caught pulled at her and sent her blood racing with uncertainty. She had come back for one last look before it was all over. One last time to look through her memories before she moved on. The last couple of days had been hard. Her nights had been sleepless and she couldn't work during the day. She felt helpless and lost and mostly confused. She wanted him to be there so badly that she was almost sick with it, but then she would remember the hurt and none of it would seem worth it. How was she supposed to know which was right? Did she follow her heart that was easily fooled or her mind that took in the facts and saw things the way they were?

Walking on feet weighed down with uncertainty she made her way to the front door and slipped her key into the lock. Somehow she was amazed that it still worked. The door swung open easily and she was hit with a cold blast of air. Trying to overcome her emotional fears she stepped inside and shut the door. Immediately she was plunged into darkness and the only sound she heard was the slam echoing through the empty house. 

All around her she felt like something was wrong. This house possessed something that chilled her to the bone. She felt all of her pent up emotions spewing forth again as she looked down the darkened hallway. Somehow she could almost see him standing in the kitchen, just in the next room. She could hear him typing on his computer finishing his reports for work. Shaking her head she avoided the kitchen and stifled the urge to look and went up stairs. 

She hadn't intended to go in there again, but something was driving her toward the room and pulling her with a force she couldn't deny. Wrapping her arms around her shoulders she looked at the wall, blank, white. She had always planned on putting pictures up, but had never gotten around to it. Now she was glad she hadn't. To many memories had already surfaced without pictures to make them worse. As she turned the corner she saw the door. Swallowing she took a step toward it. 

Everything was crashing down on her. He heart was racing and her emotions were boiling over. It hurt so much. Another step followed by another place in right in front of the room. Turing the doorknob she pushed the door open and stepped inside. Quickly she shut the door behind her and flipped on the lights. Everything was just as she remembered it. It was like she was still living there…only. Relena looked to the wall directly across from her where was the picture, the one she'd give Heero. Scanning the room her eyes fell on a bent and twisted frame. 

Slowly she crossed the room and bent down to pick up the picture. The frame was split in the corner and the small delicate nail that surrounded the frame stuck out of the sides. A few pieces of glass slid off the picture as she turned it up so she could look at it. Delicately she rubbed her finger over Heero's picture. They had been so happy then. Life had been perfect. But now everything had gone wrong. A few tears fell from her eyes as she touched the picture trying to understand. 

After a while she got to her feet again. She was still crying, the tears falling mercilessly from her eyes. It felt good to cry she hadn't cried since she'd left. She had been almost ready to explode the last couple of days with her inability to express herself. Still keeping the picture close to her she walked toward the bed and sat on the edge. Not letting herself think she laid down and closed her eyes. 

She could smell him all over the sheets. The sweet masculine scent filled her senses in an intoxicating wave and she rolled onto his pillow drying her tears on the soft fabric. She'd missed him when she'd slept at night. The way he had pulled her close in the beginning, how she'd felt so secure and safe with him beside her. Even when things had been bad she'd felt better knowing he was there. 

It was strange in the last couple of days she hadn't been able to sleep. She lay awake all night long staring at her ceiling expecting something. No matter how tired she was her eyes wouldn't close. It had been maddening, but now as she lay curled in his scent on the bed that had once been theirs sleep washed over her and her eyes shut in contentment. Before she even realized her mistake she was asleep the picture still clutched tightly in her right hand and her other wrapped around his pillow pulling it close to her. 

Outside the sky began to rumble and the clouds turned. There was something brewing in the sky. Another storm perhaps one worst than the last was threatening and in her joyful sleep she didn't hear the thunder booming or the fact that night had fallen all around her and she had stayed longer than she had ever intended.   


****

Another chapter finished. It feels good to say that. Thank you for the encouraging reviews. *smiles and reaches arms out giving all her readers a big hugs* I love you guys.


	5. End the Pain

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing ****

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing

_Just so you won't get confused__ _ _ _ _ Means a pass in time and * * * * * is a change in POV

****

Chapter 5 'End the Pain'

Heero fought to control his emotions as he looked at Duo. He definitely didn't need advice from his big-mouthed friend. He didn't want to appear weak in front of anyone. The man grinning madly and sending off an air of confidence that Heero hadn't sensed in the former Gundam pilot in a long time. "What are you doing here?" Heero asked again regaining his composure and finding something else to focus on. 

"Is that any way to greet an old friend?" He asked cheerfully and pushed a lock of his ear length brown hair behind his ear. "I just came to see my good pal." Duo smiled slyly and slipped into a chair to the left of were Heero stood leaning on his desk. "And to bring some good news from L2." 

Heero eyed him cautiously for a moment. The man was way too relaxed. He sat with one leg hung over the side of the chair and slouched impossibly low in his seat. 'Relena would never sit like that.' He thought bitterly and scowled deeper when he realized he strayed back to her again. "Just spit it out." Heero told him ignoring the infectious happiness he had brought into the room. 

"Geez…" Duo mused and sat up a little straighter. "I thought a few years with Relena would loosen you up. I guess I was wrong." 

Duo had no idea how badly those words stung. Stiffing noticeably Heero moved further away from Duo and went to look out the window again. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and tried not to think about her. He hardly noticed Duo had lapsed into complete silence, but after a while he remembered the other presence. "What was it Maxwell?" He asked hoping the news would take his mind away from where it dwelled at the moment. 

"It's about Hilde and me." 

It was a jab. Maybe he didn't want to here this after all? All ready his mind was wandering dwelling on her on their failed relationship. How everything that involved him fell apart. 

"We're getting married!" 

Heero slumped forward his hand flying out to catch his balance. As his fingers warmed the glass under his palm he closed his eyes and tried to focus. Was he the only one ever meant to suffer? Would he always be left out? Was this his destiny? His fingernails dug into the sweaty glass panel as he felt his hand making an involuntary fist. Drawing it back he banged it on the window and hoped that something would draw him from the jealousy he felt. Yes, he was jealous. It flared in him like a fire, licking and consuming everything in its path. "Congratulations." He was finally able to squeeze out. "When?" It was the right thing to say the right thing to ask. He was just playing his part. 

Duo seemed oblivious to Heero's anguish and answered happily. "Next month on the seventh." Duo paused and smiled wider. "Even though we haven't seen each other for a while I want you to be my best man." Duo blurted. "You and Relena had meet us in L2 on Monday and just stay with us until the wedding." Duo saw Heero start to say something but he waved his hand and cut him off. "Don't even say anything. I know two have to work, but I have an idea. If you…" Duo trailed off for the first time since he'd entered the office he noticed something was wrong. 

"You'll have to talk to Relena yourself." Heero managed through clenched teeth. "I don't even know where she lives any more." That last part wasn't entirely true, but she might as well be in another country for all the difference it would make. Either way she was gone. 

"Huh?" Duo asked as if trying to make it sink in. Heero and Relena were no longer together and by the look on his friend's face he wasn't taking it to well, and here he'd been ranting about marriage right in front of him. "I'm sorry, Heero do you want to talk about it?" He asked and waited hoping he would say something. 

Heero ignored Duo's attempts to get him to open up. He didn't even know why he'd brought it up. It wasn't Duo's business. He wasn't going to say anything when somehow he blurted. "She left." Why had he told? He hadn't even had the urge to say anything to anyone else, but here he was telling Duo of all people what had happened. "She left three days ago." A sharp hiss reached Heero's ears and he winced. 

"Geez, I just poured salt in a fresh wound." Duo reached his hand up and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "I didn't know man…If I had…" 

"You'd what stop yourself from telling me. Forget it Maxwell. I'm happy for you. I just don't want to talk about this okay. It's over and I don't really care." The words were all lies he knew they were. They twisted in his gut and he turned from the window. His fist was still clenched tightly as he settled his gaze on Duo. "Have you told the other's yet?" 

Duo shook his head absently and looked at the floor. He was feeling really awkward at the moment. "No, I wanted to tell you and…Lena first." He shifted the carpet with his foot and didn't look up. 

Heero felt guilty he had made Duo feel bad. He didn't know why it mattered so much, but it did. He hadn't wanted to rain on Duo's parade, so to speak, but he supposed he had. "Hey Duo." Heero called and flashed him an uncharacteristic smile. It was forced, but at least it was a smile. "Tell me when you go to celebrate. If I know you I know you're up for a bachelor party, but right now I've got to go." Heero turned and opened his door. He needed to get out before he exploded. There were too many confused emotions running loose in the same room. He felt like he was suffocating. He felt a little better when Duo's enthusiastic voice reached him from down the hall. 

"Hell yeah, we're getting drunk this weekend. You hear me Heero. This will be one bitchn' party." 

Heero ignored the rest of the yells, which involved some of the things they would be doing and continued to escape the building. He had to do something to get his mind off his pain. He wanted away from it permanently. Instead of heading for the carport he took a sharp left and headed for the stairwell. Sometimes at night he would go up to the roof and think. What better time than to do it now? He needed quiet, he needed peace. Pulling the heavy metal door open he stood motionless until the bang of it shutting echoed through the stairwell. The noise was eerie and somehow comforting. 

Each step vibrated throughout the whole area and he almost hoped that the walls would come crashing down on top of him. All of this had ruined his life. Relena had made him feel had brought his emotions to the surface and then she was gone. She left him drowning in a sea without a way to get out. She had and always would be his lifeboat. But what was he supposed to do without her? He didn't know what his feelings meant he didn't know how to make the hurt go away. 

A warm breeze pulled Heero back into reality and he focused on the outside. The wind was almost violent up this high and it made his balance teeter as it came at him from all sides. Stepping away from the stairwell door he walked to the edge of the building. At night he would come up here and gaze at the cars as they passed below, lighted speaks in a darkened night. Even though the sun was still high in the sky he wanted to look. 

The wind blew his hair into his eyes as he made his way toward the ledge. His clothes flew around his body thanks to the merciless wind and his tie wrapped loosely around his neck. Placing both his hands on the rough cement of the six-inch ledge he leaned over and glanced downward. The view was dizzying from the height. Without darkness to obscure the things below it seemed like a much longer fall. With no fear present he hoisted himself up and stood on the ledge. The toes of his shoes hung dangerously off the end of the building but he didn't care. The distant sound of horn blowing and engines roaring reached his ears. Striving to block out the noise he closed his eyes and held his arms out to his sides as if he hoped to fly. 

As the wind blew it cut through his uniform like knives. Not opening his eyes he thought of the drop below him. One little step would send him tumbling to his death; one strong wind could make him loose his balance. The wind gave another violent shove from behind and Heero felt his balance shift. The hard heels of his shoes came off his steady stool and he stood only supported by his toes. He was leaning dangerously over the edge the precocious state only maintained by an unbelievable balance. His thoughts began to race at the wind blew at him harder, pushing him foreword. 'If I jumped everything would be over. The pain would leave.' As soon as the thought hit him his eyes flew open. 

Scrambling to regain a lost equilibrium he stepped off the ledge and back onto the roof. What had he been thinking? That was crazy. He didn't want to die. Heero shook violently as he thought about it. Was it possible? He remembered trying to kill himself numerous times before. In each incident there had been someone to save him, mostly Relena. Now that she was gone did it mean that he would end it? He didn't want to believe it he was stronger than that. 

Before he even noticed it his knees were buckling underneath a weight he could no longer support. He hated being this way. He was confused. He was lost. Letting himself fall onto the hard gravel of the roof he closed his eyes again. Things felt disoriented. The world was spinning, shaking out of control. He could hardly feel the warm sun on his face as he slipped from reality. 

---------------------

Something hard and sharp was jabbing him in the cheek. Trying to escape the slight pain Heero rolled onto his back, but the felling was still there. He wanted to open his eyes but things seemed a little hazy. Reaching his arm up to his cheek he scraped it with his fingernails. The jabbing piece fell away and he found he was able to open his eyes. It was dark. Heero blinked and tried to sit up. His body was sore and felt just like it should after falling asleep on a pile of gravel. 

Groaning Heero pulled himself to his feet and rubbed the back of his head were the beginnings of a headache had started. He was confused. He didn't remember anything about earlier that day. How had he ended up on the roof? Glancing in front of him he noticed a series of footsteps leading the edge of the building. He didn't want to think about that. Heero pulled his head away from the edge of the building and looked at the sky again. The stars were covered by a thick layer of clouds in fact a deep rumbling could be heard in the distance. 

He had to get back in before it started to pour. Trying not to dwell on events earlier that day he stepped into the Preventer's building. Just as the door shut behind him he heard the light splatter of rain on the rooftop gravel. 

* * * * ** * * ** * 

A crash brought Relena awake. Blinking madly she tried to push away the sleepy haze that clouded her mind. She didn't know where she was or what had even jarred her from her sleep. Another crash sounded and Relena jumped as the deep rolling thunder shook the house and vibrated throughout her body. Turning she tried to pick out her surroundings, but it was too dark. As if on queue a bright light filled the room followed by a deep thunder. 'No,' She screamed at herself. She was still there. Still in his house. Relena leaped from the bed as if she'd been shocked. She had to get out, before he came. If he caught her there… Her thoughts trailed off as she tried to clear her head. 

She had only wanted to look one last time. She just wanted something to tell her that it was all over. When she'd first entered the house she'd lost her focus had been consumed by the history. Now she was trapped and at any moment he would come. He would find her. Relena turned from the bed a sob building in her throat. She had to get out. 

Ignoring the disturbed appearance of the room that he would most definitely notice she turned toward the door. Before she could even move her eyes focused on the brass knob. Was it turning? She focused her eyes and another flash of light confirmed her fears. It was too late. She had to face him. Relena put her hand to her chest and back away. 

She watched him step through the door oblivious to her presence. Relena watched his precise movements and felt her heart ache with longing. For a moment she thought he would go into the bathroom and not even see her there but as he lifted his head she saw his eyes widen in shock. A flash of light filled the room and Relena saw him illuminated for a moment until it was darkness again. Her eyes closed and he bid her ears to focus on the rain. So intent on pretending that she wasn't there, the weak whisper of her name barely reached her ears. 

"Relena?" Heero choked the words out of his throat in disbelief as a thousands emotions rushed over him at once. 

****

Sorry about that, I kind of left you guys with a cliffhanger. *Smiles guiltily and scratches her head* You know I would never do that to you guys on purpose. Tell me what you think!!!!!!!!!!!


	6. Let it be

When I find myself in times of trouble ****

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing

_Okay it tired to make this good. 

****

Chapter 6 'Let it be'

"Relena?" Heero asked again. He felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he looked at her. As if somehow. He had been in a dream for the last four days, that she had never left. His mind was screaming at him, but he couldn't hear its words all he heard was the pounding of his own heart. Did she come back to him? Was the pain going to leave? He wanted to know so badly, to feel her against him again that he took a step foreword. In an automatic response she took a step backward. Heero stopped then his shoulders sagging with anguish. She still hated him, nothing had changed. 

Relena watched him her eyes widening in uncertainty. She hadn't seen that look in his eyes since they'd first been together. It was a hungry desperate cry for…love? Relena watched him hoping that he would just let her leave. Maybe he would move out of the way and let her leave without even asking what she was doing there. Part of her wanted to run while the other part told her that she needed to talk to him. Even as the thought crossed her mind she saw him turn from her and sink onto the bed his head falling into his hands. She watched him for a moment and then trained her eyes on the door. She could escape now, but something stopped her and she couldn't move. 

Heero knew she was still there, watching him. Was she trying to torture him? Did she want him to feel more pain than he already did. He wanted her to leave. It was bad enough that she pained him even when she wasn't around, but now it was worse, knowing that she was in reach but unable to have her. "I can't…" He spoke through his hand and pulled him down and onto his chin. "You have to leave…I can't" His words were choked as he forced them out. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave. He wanted all it to end. He wanted the confusion to go away. He wanted her to pick up the shattered pieces of his heart and put them back together. 

Relena heard the words and was unable to stop the tears. He was in so much pain. It seeped off every word he spoke. It filled her and made her heart ache for him, for them, and in that moment she ignored her mind and listened to her far ignored heart. It was screaming what she should do clearly. 'Go to him.' It called and she took a step toward his shaking form. He hadn't moved from when he spoke last. His eyes were shut and his face twisted in agony. Right now she only knew one thing. She loved Heero. She didn't remember their fights. She didn't remember why she'd left, and the only thing she wanted was to be by his side again, to end their pain together. 

It didn't take long for her to reach his side. He was still sitting with his eyes shut, immobile. Could he feel like she had always wished for him to? Kneeling in front of him she moved to put her hand on his arm in hopes of pulled in gaze down toward her. Her fingers hovered just over his skin and Relena felt as if something was holding her back. She let her hand hang there for a moment, shaking. Was she afraid? Was that what was wrong with them, fear? Not knowing what to do she sat there her hand poised to touch his skin but frozen in time. A deep rumble of thunder shook her from her position and she brought her hand down, clutching his arm. She had forgotten what he felt like. 

All he felt was a bitter cold as he waited for her to leave all over again. He knew that nothing he could do could stop her. The pain flared through him and it was all he could do to keep from falling to his knees. Then he felt it, her warm fingers caressing his skin. Her touch, he had missed it so much. All those times he's slept away from her, why? He wanted her so bad, to be there beside him for the rest of his life. Her fingers tightened around his arm and began tugging at him. He knew she was trying to pull his face down so that she could see him, but he didn't want to look at her. Again he wanted to know why. Why was he so…scared? The word popped into his brain and immediately he knew it was true. He was afraid. No once could he remember being afraid. She would see that he wasn't perfect if she looked at him. She would see his weakness. Somehow that had pushed him away from her in the last couple of months, but now he didn't care. None of that mattered because he loved her. 

His cold blue eyes fell upon hers and Relena found her eyes filling with tears again. It was there; she saw the emotion pouring from his eyes. He loved her. In that moment she had no doubt and her heart swelled with unbelievable joy. His cheeks were red and his eyes red rimmed as if he was trying not to cry. She had never seen him cry before. She frowned for a moment as an unknown tear fell from his eye and down his cheek. He was crying feeling so much pain because of her. She had given him all of it. Trying to keep the sob from leaving her throat she reached up and brushed the tear away with her thumb. Would he ever forgive her? As he leaned into her touch his eyes closing in contentment the sob escaped and a fresh flood of tears clouded her vision. "I'm sorry…" she managed as she continued to stroke his cheek. "I thought…I didn't know." She paused and began to pull away afraid that he no longer wanted her to touch him. 

Heero felt her hand leaving his face and he immediately grabbed it and held it in place. He didn't want to be without her touch for another moment. He knew that they had both been at fault. He had to tell her to let her know that it was over. "No," He told her while slipping onto the floor so he kneeled on the carpet with her. The room was lit momentarily and he saw the worn path the merciless tears had made down her face. They glistened in the light and tore at his heart. "It doesn't matter, we both messed up…just." He paused searching for the right words, but he had never been very good at expressing himself. "Let it be." He finally whispered. "Just let it be." This time he cupped her cheeks and wiped her tears. As he did she fell onto his chest and clung to him. It had never felt so right having her pressed against him. 

Relena felt his arms wrapping around her returning her tight embrace and she pulled him tighter. She hoped this wasn't all a dream and when she woke up he wouldn't be gone. They held each other for a long time with only the sound of their labored breathing in the raging storm outside filling the room. When her tears had stopped she felt Heero loosened his arms and push her away from him slightly. As he looked at her his fingers traced her features as if he were trying to memorize everything about her. Relena closed her eyes and savored his touch. For a moment his fingers brushed against her lips and she took in a breath. Before she could even open her eyes his lips met her in a sweet kiss. Relena wrapped her arms around him as she was plunged into a world of warm and happiness. She felt complete with him so close to her. His hands were roaming over her back in a crazy attempt to pull her closer to him. 

His emotions, his feelings were in overload. He had missed her so much. All the times he could have held her like this and he hadn't. He promised never to let her leave again as he kissed her. Not wanting be away from her but tired of being on the floor he lifted her in his arms and set her on the bed all the while never breaking their kiss. As he slipped in beside her he felt the pain that had consumed him so fully the last couple of days, or perhaps it was the pain he'd felt all his life, disappeared. For now anyway he was complete. 

They fell asleep their arm wrapped tightly around each other in a protective hug. They clung to each other almost as if the other would disappear. Outside the storm came to an end the rain slacking and the earth shattering thunder fading to a distant rumble. And now the two lover's war was over. They would still have problems, but now there was nothing but the two of them and nothing would ever pull them apart. Emotions such as fear and doubt would never pull them apart because love is stronger than all them. Through the fights that would follow they would remember this night when the storm matched their raging emotions and just let it be.

****

I know this is short, but there wasn't much you could say. It was fate. 

_N-E way there might be an epilogue so don't feel cheated, and cheer because I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger this time. *Smiles and waves happily* THANKS FOR READING and REVIEWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	7. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing ****

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing

_I did it. Here is the epilogue and I think it's pretty good. You'll laugh, you'll cry. Well maybe not, but read it anyway. 

Epilogue 'Healing'

Relena stared out the passenger side window of Heero's car as flashes of lights crossed her shadowed face illuminating it for a few moments every couple of feet. She didn't know where they were going. He hadn't said a word about it just lead her toward the car and drove off. They were due to the airport in less than three hours and she hoped they would still make it, but something told her this was more important. That he was going to prove something to her here. Glancing to her side for a moment she saw him clutching the steering wheel with a vengeful force as his knuckles paled and almost turned white. He was fighting with something, an internal battle that only he could face. It pained her to know that she couldn't help him. All she could do was be by his side and maybe he could feed off her strength like she fed off his in times of need. 

His brow was covered by his long bangs that he'd neglected to fix before they'd left the house, but she knew that underneath them his brow was creased in frustration and anger. The only thing was Relena didn't know what was causing his confusion. She knew that it wasn't her. They had figured things out and now the bond was stronger between them. Even when they fought which they had done actually the other day they couldn't hold the heat and would immediately stop and laugh or at least she would. Heero would sometimes smirk but that was as far as it went. He still hadn't mastered the art of laughter, through when he did laugh it was like a chiming church bell sweeping her spirits up and making her smile. His laugh was magical. 

Turning from him again she reset her attention on the scenery, or what she could see of it. All of it was familiar. It was the half of the city that surrounded the huge memorial pack. Relena had set up that park with the help of Quatre in memory of the battles that took place on it. It had been a painstaking negotiation. Others wanted to till up more than half of the space to put in a new office building. Relena scoffed at the thought. Who could take an office building over history? The place needed to remain so people could remember what it had cost to fight for peace and hopefully remember that it was worth it. Possibly the hardest thing to do would be to convince the younger population, the ones that had never seen war, that life was better this way. 

Just as the thoughts were running rapidly through her mind she felt herself pushed against the door as Heero took a sharp left. Pushing herself back to her original position she looked ahead and realized this was were he had been going the whole time, to the memorial park. She wondered why he had driven around it so many times. Slowly she turned to look at him as if the answer would reach her when she looked at him, but he was already getting out of the car and she quickly followed suit. It was pitch black when she walked out with only the faint light of the moon to greet her. Hesitantly she looked to Heero. He was starring at the moon his hands shoved in the deepest part of his huge trench coat and his lips poised in a frown. He looked so unhappy. She couldn't bring herself to speak though and shatter the picture of innocence he had painted for himself.

"I come here at night." He paused and pulled his eyes from the moon to look at the ground as if looking for something. "I don't know why I couldn't tell you. Maybe it was because I didn't even know why, but I'd walk this park more than a thousand times, looking for something. I became so urgent at times that I ran, for hours, until I was exhausted." He lifted his head to find Relena's eyes. When he did he spoke again. "I don't know what it is, but it eats at me until I hardly know if there is anything left." As if it were an after thought he added softly. "When I'm with you it leaves, but soon comes back with a vengeful heart. It wants to destroy me." 

Relena tried to think of something to say, something that would make it better for him, but she couldn't. She didn't know what he was looking for. He had obviously brought her here to help him figure it out and she was going to fail him in his time of need. She had no idea. The only thing she could do was go to him. Maybe, if she held him for a while it would come to her. Carefully she took a few steps forward, breaking the silence with the crunching sound of her shoes on grass. He didn't pull his head away from the ground though, still looking still searching. When she did reach him she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. She was almost surprised at how easily he gave in to her touch. He fell into her arms hugging her back. 

* * * * * * ** * 

Heero pulled her close to him hoping that she would be able to figure out what it was that was haunting him just by being so close. She was the only comfort in his life. The only thing he could rely on. He knew that more than he knew anything else and he would never let her leave his side. They were forever. Before he even realized it she had pulled away from him slightly as he let his arms come to rest on her shoulders he looked into her deep azure pools and searched for the answer he so desperately sought for.

"Heero…" She began and brought her hand up to brush a piece of hair out of his face. "I wish I knew what it was you were searching for." 

Heero sank she didn't know and he'd wonder for the rest of his life. What was it that he was hoping to find and why couldn't he understand it? Without saying anything he took a step around Relena and into the darkness. He had to look at least once. He didn't think she would come, but Relena was right behind him and grabbed his hand. Heero looked down a small hint of surprise on his lips. She just smiled and squeezed his fingers and together they walked through the park each searching for something. 

These fields were stained with more blood then Heero's own hands. He had fought more battles, taken so many lives… Quietly he gazed around the greenery that had once been a burned and broken wasteland. He could still here the gunshots. He could still hear the sounds of the wounded. He could still see himself a machine killing everything in his path. Not even realizing he was doing it Heero squeezed her fingers tighter and only noticed when she squeezed back. She didn't complain about them missing their flight. She understood, at least, that this was something that had plagued him for a long time, and one day with her help he'd be able to figure out what it was that made him want to search. What it was that made him walk this particular battlefield.

* * * * * * * **The next day on L2**********

Relena picked up her curling iron and tried to recurl on of Hilde's fallen locks. "Hold still Hilde." She warned. "I don't want to give you a large ugly red burn as a wedding present." She saw Hilde's lips curl into a smile with her words and Relena grinned back and went back to fixing Hilde's hair. When the lock of curled sprayed and practically glued in place Relena sat back down and admired her handy work. "I knew all those years fixing my hair for balls would come in handy." Hilde's short dark hair was piled on top of her head adorned by a small crystal crown. Her bright blue eyes were shining with excitement and maybe a little apprehension. 

"Do you think this is right?" Hilde asked and reached her hand out to touch her mirror as if she didn't that the woman in it was her. 

Relena frowned for a moment. "It looks just like that lady's in the magazine." 

"No, I mean do you think that I'm ready to get married?" Hilde asked and turned to look at Relena her cheeks were flushed and tears brimmed in her eyes. "I think I'm just scared. I mean you and Heero…" 

Relena stopped her train of thought with a wave of her hand. "Don't take an example from me and Heero. We've messed up more time then humanly possible." She sighed. "I wish he had asked me to marry him, but heck I was the one who suggested we live together."

"I heard about the big fight, well at least I heard what Duo heard." She paused. "Everything all right now?" She asked hopefully. 

Relena smiled a real smile. "Yeah its better." Not wanting to explain any more she shook her head. "Besides you and Duo are perfect for each other." 

"Sometimes I wonder though." Hilde paused. "Is it wrong to be afraid?" 

"Hilde is wish I knew, but I would say it's fine. That it's normal. Everything new in life is scary." She paused and smiled. "You won't be so doubtful when you see him waiting for you at the end of that chapel." 

"I guess you're right." Hilde smiled. "Well you'd better go get ready or I'll have to get married without one of my bridesmaids. 

Relena looked down at her faded blue jeans and old T-shirt. "Well I guess getting dressed would be a good idea." Relena mused and smiled one last time at Hilde. "See you in a few."

Relena shut the door and leaned on it her eyes closing in thought. She didn't know why it bothered so much all the sudden. Yeah Heero and her weren't married, but it had been a mutual decision. Neither one of them wanted it yet… Relena sighed and looked down at her bare hand. Did she want to spend the rest of her life like this? Having everything thing, but missing one key ingredient. Smiling sadly she lowered her hand. She knew that she would if she was with Heero. If he didn't want to be married to her then they'd stay the way they were. Blinking she told herself she didn't care, but she knew that she did. 

Sighing heavily she turned away from the door and went to her dressing room. It was only a little ways down the hall. It wouldn't take her long to get ready and she could go and talk to Hilde again. Perhaps the others would be there too. It had been a while since she'd seen Dorothy, Catherine, and Sally. Opening her heavy door she was met with the most incredible sight she had ever seen. Heero was standing in front of the mirror trying to adjust his bow tie. He was wearing a fine tailored tux. Immediately she imagined him standing at the end of the chapel she would marry in and she was walking toward him. His hair was combed and tamed for the occasion, and the dark black and gray vest accentuated his handsome features. 

"You look good." She found herself saying without even thinking about it. He turned to look at her and frowned. 

"I hate it." 

Relena chuckled. He sounded just like a whining little boy. "It's not that bad. I mean you'll have to wear one eventually." Relena grimaced as the words escaped her mouth. What had she just said? 

"What do you mean by that?" He asked and turned to look at her his eyebrows narrowing. 

"Nothing." Relena assured him and went to unzip her dress from the bag it had come in. It was a light sky blue with a simple front and accentuated waist. Slowly she pulled it out and headed for the bathroom to change. She did happen to catch the strange look Heero was giving her. She didn't ask though and closed herself into the bathroom. 

Heero watched the closed door for a moment and pulled the small velvet box out of his back pocket. Could she know? Who would have told her? He'd only told one person, Duo. Immediately he narrowed his eyes and jammed the box back into his pocket. He would get Duo for ruining his surprise. Ignoring logic he stormed toward Duo's room and flung the door open. Duo was sitting in a chair talking to Quatre, Wufie, and Trowa. "Why'd did you tell her?" Heero demanded ignoring the others in the room. 

"Tell who what?" Duo asked sincerely perplexed. 

"You know what I'm talking about." Heero told him blatantly and crossed his arms. "She knows." 

Duo looked at him curiously for a moment until his face glowed like a light bulb had been turned on. "Oh, that…I didn't tell her Heero." He frowned. "I didn't even tell them that you were going to ask Relena to marry you." Immediately he covered his mouth. "Oops." 

Heero didn't feel much like arguing. Duo had a big mouth, but he didn't lie. "Then how does she know?" He asked dejectedly. "I wanted to surprise her." 

Duo would have laughed at his friend state if it hadn't been so serious. "What make you think she knows? 

"She said something about me having to wear tux's." He paused. "At least I think she did." He was about to say more when Duo began to laugh. Heero looked up and considered punching the baka. 

"I think you're nervous." Duo informed him. "I think you're scared." Duo hadn't meant it to, but it came out like a challenge. 

Heero wrinkled his brow and gave Duo a hard glare. Without a word he jumped to his feet and left the room. He ignored the calls the others made after him. He wasn't afraid. This was what he wanted…he just didn't know if Relena wanted it. Gulping he stopped in front Relena's door and faltered. What if she didn't want to take on his name? He knew that she loved him, but what if she didn't want to be his wife. Maybe Duo had been right he was scared. Heero turned back down the hallway with full intentions of running, but the first thing he saw was all four of his friends peaking into the hallway. They all had expectant looks on their faces. Giving them a look of complete calm Heero opened the door and walked in.

She was sitting on a small couch pulling on her shoes. Heero felt his breath catch in his throat. Her blond hair was curled under and framing her beautiful face. Her blue eyes seemed to radiate from her face with the dress she wore. He was mesmerized and the small box clutched in his right hand began to get really heavy. How could he ask? Before he could even make a sound Relena looked up at him.

"Hey Heero, could you hand me my other sandal?" She asked and pointed to the white shoe halfway across the room. 

Heero nodded and silently went to pick it up. Wrapping his shaking hand around the shoe he moved back toward Relena and attempted to smile, but he couldn't. He had never been very good at it anyway. 

"Are you okay Heero?" Relena asked and took the shoe from his outstretched hand. "Don't tell me Duo got scared and ran." She laughed to her self, but immediately silence herself when he didn't answer. Raising an eyebrow she looked at him curiously. "What's wrong."

"Relena." He said and stopped. "Relena…I." He cleared his throat and found it hard to look at her. 

"What? You're making me nervous. What is it?" She asked desperately and attempted to stand, but what Heero did almost made her faint. He was lowering him self to his knees, no one knee. Relena felt as if all the air had left her body and tears formed in her eyes. Was he asking her? 

"Relena I love you. I love you more than anything, and I know that we fight, and that we don't always get along, but I…I want to know if you be me wife. If you'll marry me and be mine forever." Heero swallowed and waited for the verdict. He felt as if he were standing in front of a firing squad. Everything was riding on her. 

Relena blinked and a tear escaped her eye. She felt his hand reaching up to brush it away, but she stopped his fingers. "Don't." She told him. "These are happy tears. It would make me the happiest person in the world if I could call myself Mrs. Relena Yuy." With that she wrapped her arms around his neck and cried with all her might. "I love you." She laughed and cried at the same time. "Forever." 

Heero felt his heart sore if relief. They would still have their problems of that he was sure. Both of them were too stubborn to roll over and give up, but now she would never leave. He had her forever. In shear jubilation he picked her up and spun her around the room. He was surprised when his laughter joined her's. 

* * * * * * * *

The wedding went off with out a hitch and Duo and Hilde were married. The reception was filled with laughter, congratulations and lots of cake. 

Duo smiled at Hilde as he held the cake out for her to eat. She was holding hers for him too. He had decided that he would be nice and not shove it in Hilde's mouth. "Are you ready?" He asked and she nodded at him. He put the cake to her lips and she took a tentative bite. 

"Now it's your turn." Hilde told him and held the cake out for him to take. Hilde could resist the urge though and smeared the white mess all over his face. She giggled happily at his shocked face. "I'm sorry." She managed. "But I couldn't resist." 

Duo narrowed his eyes and dug his hand into the wedding cake and hurled a chuck of cake at Hilde. What followed was an all out food fight. Even Heero and Relena joined in. 

Relena watched Hilde and Duo and laughed it was funny. Just as she was thinking about the mess they would have to clean up. She saw a piece of white wedding cake flying right for her. Before she could duck it hit her in the face. 

"Sorry!" Duo called from across the table, and turned back to his food-covered bride. 

Relena could only stand there as the icing dripped off her chin and on to the floor. 

"That's a good look for you." Heero said as he moved up beside her and dipped his finer into the icing and tasted it. "Good." 

Relena smirked. "Yeah, well would you like some more?" With that she smeared it all over him and they also joined the fight. 

From across the room Wufie, Trowa, and Quatre stood watching the whole scene. "We can't do anything like normal people do, can we?" Quatre asked and smirked a little when Heero slipped and fell in some spilled punch. 

"I guess not." Trowa said and winced as Hilde had a whole bowl of salad dumped on her head. "Do you think the tux place will give do his deposit back?" 

Wufie turned his head and looked at the scene. "Damn I gave Maxwell that deposit money." He cursed. "I'll never get it back now." 

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